How many times have you heard someone say that the key to marriage is compromise? Compromise, as in: “Let's stay together for the sake of the children,” or “Let's stay together for the sake of the marriage,”? How about for Pete's sake? Staying together for the sake of the marriage is a contradictory statement all on its own because there isn't a “marriage” for the sake of which to stay together if your only reason for staying together is the pretense of its existence. Follow me? In other words: don't think of it as a relationship. Accept the possibility of its demise matter-of-factly. Don't try to “save” it. You'll drown.
To start off with, it might be helpful to know what not to do when searching for a mate to begin with. Here are a list of DON'TS:
DON'T have a prototype. Don't expect to fall in love with a certain kind of man or woman; don't look for someone who's tall, thin, muscular, masculine, feminine, smart, stupid... just don't do it. Just wait to see what happens. You might find that the person you enjoy the most in this life is not the type of person you expected.
DON'T start a relationship with someone just because you had sex with them. In fact, the best way to find a perfect fit is to try on everything in the store. Maybe try on the cute ones a few more times to make sure you don't like them. Then move on... or, if you accidentally purchase them, you can always return them.
DON'T pretend to be anything other than who you are. Be up front. If you show everyone the real you, the person who falls in love with you won't dump you later on because you were “different before”. They will love you for you – hopefully – or at least, they will know exactly what they're getting into.
DON'T get together with someone who has different ideologies than you do. I'm not talking about different interests; I'm talking about basic, core beliefs. It's kind of a bad idea for an atheist to shack up with a Christian, or a Democrat with a Republican. It's like water and oil. You will both eventually consider each other to be bad people.
So those are the basics for the pre-game. There are lots of other bad ways to start a relationship, but those are the ones that I consider to be the most important. If you simply be yourself and look for someone you can become addicted to - and don't think much harder than that - you'll be on your way to success.
Then, once you're in the relationship, there are a few things you should keep in mind:
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You should always have the option to leave. It should be easy to leave. This statement somewhat excludes the idea of marriage, although you can make the exodus of a marriage a bit simpler by signing prenuptial agreements. Having the option to leave does something very important: it forces you both to care how the other person feels. It forces you to care about your partner's emotional status at all times. People kick their dogs because the dog just licks them and pees on the carpet when they do it. In other words, you need to make sure that you bite. The sting of an absent lover is a painful one, and one not soon forgotten.
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You should have your own life. You should act as though you were an individual – because you are – and you don't like the same things as your partner, because you're not the same person. Remember, before you were “official,” your partner still loved everything about you... and back then, you still didn't like the same things they did. Your differences are obviously attractive to one another. Don't abandon your interests or pursuits. Statistics show that any amount of college decreases your likelihood of divorce by 13%. Take care of yourself as though he was planning to leave tomorrow. Don't rely on someone else to take care of you. It breeds insecurity on your part and resentment on theirs. When you take care of yourself however, it breeds respect.
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Finally, SEX, SEX, SEX. Did I mention sex? A relationship is when you find your best friend in the world... and you want to have sex with them. So, since there are two components to a relationship – friendship and sex – that means that sex is 50% of the equation. Make sure you're with someone who constantly excites you sexually. Make sure it's not just their looks; after all, as a teacher of mine is so fond of saying, neither of you will be a cute teenager forever. Make sure that the sex between you is mechanically, mentally, physically, sensationally, chemically, and fantastically amazing. Chemistry and compatibility in that department is fairly easy to spot – after you've done it about three times, you ought to know if your desire is going to wane or not.
So, in conclusion, this is all bullshit. There is no real way to explain to anyone how to find true love. It's different for everyone. Relationships are different for everyone. I can say, with relative confidence, that compromising yourself will get you no where but into a deep pit of resentment. Past that... good luck. I send you into the world... like sheep amidst the wolves. Try not to get eaten alive or turned into a nice jacket.