The problem with marriage is divorce. Not that it happens, but that it's too hard to do. There are legal entanglements, financial strait jackets, and court hearings. There is familial ostracism, public scrutiny, and social stigma. There are all of these things to consider when getting a divorce – and none of them are considered before marriage. The only important thing in a marriage is love.. right? This concept of the practice would make perfect sense if it wasn't for one tiny drawback: marriage is a legally binding contract, not a pledge of love and commitment. Sure, it can be both, but ask any divorcee: marriage is, first and foremost, a legal contract. It is due to this unfortunate truism that I must approach the subject from the standpoint of the divorcee and not the newlywed couple.
How quickly the moans and sighs of lust bloom into fastly bonded friendship and couplehood. The hungry bodies become inseparable and the infatuated minds become fastened. They thrill at the consumption of the other's time and passions. They quickly gobble one another whole and become a mass of indistinct flesh and brain: the newlywed couple. Typically, the fresh taste of new flesh wanes over time and their combined essences change, beginning to resemble a blob of frustration, hopelessness and dependency. Why, if love is all that is required for marriage, would that happen? Mostly, the reason for resentment inside of a marriage is the blocked exit. If a person is fully capable of escape, they may not ever become the repressed, resentful and often pitifully helpless beasts that marriage produces. Picture a cheetah gracefully skimming the plains, always embracing the wind and sky that lie ahead. Now picture that same cheetah in a dog crate. It's not as though we can't love anyone if we have freedom. It's just that we're not being forced into it if we have freedom... and isn't that real love anyway?
Or is the mandate of marriage due to the fact that these lonely women won't have anywhere to go and no “backup plan” when a marriage fails? Is it the fact that she won't be supported in the future by the cock she's been sucking? Are we street whores who can do no better than to drag our johns into the courtroom for some extra bucks? Does it stem from the basic truth that no woman can get a job and support herself or plan for her own future? Come on people, aren't we well past that? Really? Listen. In this life, you trust people or you don't. When you do, sometimes they fuck you over. No one bails out the guys on Wall Street when... wait, scratch that. Do we really need a contingency plan or do we just need to bury some money in the back yard for the rainy day that has a 50% likelihood of arriving? Even a dog can dig a hole.
The key to making marriage a successful enterprise is making divorce easy, obtainable, and NO BIG DEAL. Regardless of who can get married and who can't, the key is an easy out. Go somewhere, sign some papers, and in a month it's officially over with. No alimony, no compensation for your “services” and no long goodbyes. No threats, no ultimatums, no drawn out battles – just “Goodbye.” If you change your mind, you can get married again. Why does this all sound so harsh?
Marriage is a backward system to start with. The contractual nature of marriage today does not merge well with the romantic, whimsical – and oftentimes religious – nature of marriage today. You can't have both notions within the same system and expect it to function. Church (whimsy) and state (legalities) are not meant to combine. Marriage is the bastard child that should never have been born and we let it grow into an evil yet charming behemoth. Marriage turns back the feminist movement, it oppresses those with non-traditional relationships, and it drives people to suicide, homicide and sometimes both. Good God, y'all, what's it really good for?? Absolutely nothing.